Beating Hearts do not Lie
by spoontasti
Summary: His record was clean. He hadn't vandalized public property in a while. He even saved up enough to get a better apartment. He's been doing well in life. That is till Orihara Izaya transferred to his hospital.
1. The Initial Assessment- He's an Asshole

**Beating Hearts do not Lie**

Chapter 1: The Initial Assessment- He's an Asshole

Disclaimer: _DRRR!_ is written by Ryohgo Narita

* * *

Shizuo couldn't believe what he was seeing when he opened his locker at work and his uniform was replaced with a nurse uniform.

This shouldn't be surprising considering that he was a male nurse. It was the fact that his usual blue green scrubs were gone, and hanging with a pretty pink bow was a short white nurse getup complete with garters and fishnet stockings. It was the kind of thing that would have made him blush if he hadn't been completely dumbfounded.

His first horrified thoughts were that he was in the woman's changing room, had broken the lock at what should have been his locker, and now his peers were going to think he was a massive pervert. His second thoughts were cool and turning angry. No his name was on this locker, nurses didn't wear these slutty outfits, someone had put this here on purpose, and now his peers were going to think he was a closet pervert for having this shit.

He promptly shut the door. Regrettably, there were now four finger grooves in the metal that he was going to have to explain later, but he didn't really care about that right now. He was breathing hard with his eyes closed and his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. He knew which prick did this. It didn't matter that there was no name from the sender. Shizuo could smell the bastard's stench all over this and he was shaking from the effort to keep his cool.

He's been doing well these last few years. He's been careful to keep a low profile, had to now that he finally had a job he could be proud of. After years of being a delinquent, disappointing his family, and feeling like a failure, Shizuo had wanted to prove to himself that he could do something good with his hands. He already was pretty good at treating his own wounds when he didn't feel like going to Shinra, it wasn't that much of a stretch to do it on someone else. And he wasn't nauseous at the sight of blood or protruding bones. As long as no one pissed him off, he could stay calm.

He used to think his strength could only hurt people. He used to hate himself for it.

Hell, he's put a fair number of people in the hospital, and he knows that he's been close to killing some assholes. It really is a miracle that no one pressed any charges against him.

But now he knows he can help people too. He can feel good about himself.

He has a lot of people to thank for where he was now. Shinra for teaching him things that were difficult and for helping him get this job, Tom-san for trying to straighten him out when he was at a real low in his life, and Kasuka for his silent support. When he had first gotten the job, he told his younger brother first, and Kasuka had ordered dozens of uniforms for him. It had made Shizuo really happy.

It's not to say that it was easy either. Shizuo almost gave up many times in his studies. No one said it aloud, but he was sure that people thought he was too stupid to actually do it. He had spent grueling hours that turned into sleepless nights studying till he was finally getting things. He had passed most of his courses, retaken the ones he had failed, and he just made the cut off for the national examination. Sure he wasn't a doctor, but he didn't want to be one either. He'd gone a long way, and this was enough for him.

His record was clean. He hasn't vandalized public property in a while. He even saved up enough to get a better apartment. He's been doing well in life.

That is till Orihara Izaya transferred to his hospital.

Shinra had warned him of his so called friend. Said that this guy had finished his training to be a doctor, graduated top of his class, and was moving here, but Shizuo hadn't been paying attention at the time. All he had cared about was that this guy was an asshole. Who calls a friend an asshole is beyond Shizuo, but that was how Shinra described him.

The first time Shizuo saw him was three days ago when he was on break after a five hour shift. Shizuo could recall that it was the 5th floor corridor where he normally got his favorite brand of milk tea. The sun was just beginning to set.

He had been tired and his eyes were half closed, but when he heard the faint squeak of shoes against linoleum and he had seen the flash of a long white coat, he turned to nod his head at this person and it was as if all of his senses had sharpened, hyperaware.

Muddy red eyes flicked up and down his body, and continued to stare when their eyes met. A smirk grew on the man's face that could only be described as mischievous, and Shizuo felt his pulse speed up. This guy was dangerous, and his instincts kicked in, his fight-or-flight response was always wired to fight, even when all he wanted to do now was walk away before he did something he'd regret.

But the guy passed him without a word, and the moment ended with the air around him feeling slightly more charged than before.

He hadn't even realized that he had crushed the empty can in his hand.

It wasn't till the next day that Shinra had properly introduced them that he learned that this was the asshole that Shinra had been talking about. The three of them were in the cafeteria, and Shizuo was hungry, but he didn't want to stick around any longer than he had to.

"This," Shrinra had said, "is Orihara, Izaya."

Shizuo half nodded, only because he didn't trust himself enough to not blurt his true feelings out, that this guy pissed him off. Because Izaya Orihara had this expression on his face like he was a little too interested, and frankly it creeped Shizuo out.

But he was an adult now, a professional, and if he was in the operating room with this asshole, then he sure as hell didn't want to mess around when someone's life was on the line.

"And this is Heiwajima, Shizuo, the one I told you not to piss off."

"It's a pleasure," Orihara said, his hand extended, which Shizuo only stared at because this was Japan and this guy was obviously Japanese. Shizuo had been staring at that hand like it offended him. "Oh right, I just got back from my studies abroad- it's just a little thing I- ."

Shizuo didn't want things awkward between them, because he knew without knowing how that this man could make his life a living hell. He stared right into those haughty eyes. No time to second guess himself, Shizuo grabbed the offered hand carefully, without any hint of the strength behind his grasp that could break bones. Orihara's hand was cool, not as rough as his own from having to wash his hands constantly. He didn't know if he was imagining it, but it was like the other day when the space around them came alive.

"I hope we can work well together," Shizuo said in formal Japanese.

Those red eyes widened briefly, before the smirk on his face widened. His hand grasped Shizuo's tightly, not quite allowing him to let go. He shook their joined hands almost playfully.

"I told him about your strength," Shinra had said, then turned to Orihara, "and I warned Shizuo-kun that you're an asshole."

Shizuo had tightened his grip on Orihara's hand for just a second, his expression close to thunderous as he slowly turned his head towards Shinra.

Shinra had his arms up, like he had been caught with his hands in the cookie jar. He had a sheepish look on his face, but otherwise didn't look regretful.

"He's the one who wanted to meet you, even _before_ he knew of you." Shinra said as if that explained it.

This time Orihara glared at Shinra. "He'll get the wrong impression if you say it like that."

Shizuo belatedly realized that he was still holding Orihara's hand. He roughly pulled his own back to his side.

"You mean the right impression," Shinra said with a delighted laugh, and Orihara, with a hand quicker than Shizuo could follow, grabbed Shinra's ear and pulled it down mercilessly.

"Ow, ow. Ow," Shinra yelped, "it hurts!"

"Yeah, well aren't you lucky a scalpel wasn't in my hand."

Was this guy really a doctor?

"Sorry, sorry!" Shinra muttered with a placating smile.

They were attracting attention and Shizuo only had twenty minutes till his lunch break was over and he really needed a smoke.

"Alright, I'm leaving," Shizuo said. He felt like had avoided a disaster, but still felt the stress of it.

"What? Already?" Orihara said and let go of Shinra's ear. "But we just met. I thought we could have some fun."

Shizuo really didn't like how he had said the word fun. Like his idea of fun wasn't something Shizuo wanted any part of.

"Sorry I got to go, my shift starts soon." Shizuo said, and looked down at his watch by his wrist. He didn't miss the way the man across from him pouted. What was he, seven?

"Okay, I'll see you in the ER, Shizuo."

One of Shizuo's eyebrows twitched when he heard his name being spoken so familiarly, but he hadn't said anything. He nodded his head minutely, thinking that maybe this guy picked up this habit after studying abroad. He left without another word.

Maybe it was because Orihara's voice was distinct, because he wasn't speaking particularly loud, but even from across the room he heard his words.

"He's a lot more docile than you made him out to be."

Shizuo kept walking.

"Just please don't piss him off."

There was a mocking fit of laughter.

That should have been the first clue of how much his life would change.

The second clue hit him in the face when he opened his locker that morning and found the nurse's uniform there prettily hung with a ribbon and bow.

Shizuo had been doing well in life.

That is till Orihara Izaya transferred to his hospital.

* * *

Let me know what you think, thanks for reading.

My other fict holds the priority, so this one will be updated less frequently.


	2. On a scale of 1 to 10

Beating Hearts do not Lie

Chapter 2: On a Scale of 1 to 10 How Would You Rate Your Anger?

* * *

Shizuo didn't like borrowing the uniforms the hospital had ready in the supply closets. For one, the detergent they used was a heavy duty mix of chemicals that made the linen stiff and smell like flower scented bleach. And second, nothing quite fit his tall frame so the cuffs came up short, meaning he'll have to roll up the ends.

That was why he took great care of the precious clothes his brother had gotten him and always had a clean uniform ready on hand at work. He didn't even get annoyed anymore if blood droplets or vomit somehow ended up on him. It helped too that he had gotten really good at laundry and spot cleaning. But since tomorrow was his day off, Shizuo hadn't bothered packing a spare.

This little locker prank almost caused him to be late for his shift.

The surgical mask he wore covered his frown.

If he could, he would have hunted Orihara down immediately and force him to give him back his uniform. But he was needed on the 4th floor, pediatric department. It gave him time for his anger to simmer down.

He took a deep breath of cool, dry air before entering the corridor. He entertained the idea of taking the day off.

"Good morning, Heiwajima-san." Shizuo nodded his head at the short, petite woman who was his senior.

"Good morning, Yasuda-san."

"It's nice weather out, isn't it?" The sunlight beamed through the long stretch of windows along the halls.

"Yeah, it is," he responded and continued walking. He greeted three other co-workers, and twice more agreed that the weather was nice.

"Shizu-oniichan!" A girl ran over to him, latching onto his legs. Shizuo ruffled her brown hair.

"Ah, Miki. How have you been?"

"Better!" Miki beamed, her head didn't even reach his hips. Sagawa, Miki looked better too. Three weeks ago she had a critical case of pneumonia. The fluid and mucus in her lungs had almost been too much for the little girl, and it had been a long, stressful two days before Miki started responding well to the antibiotics. Shizuo had made sure to check up on her and her mother frequently.

Sagawa-san walked over, her red heels clicking as she took brisk strides to catch up to her daughter. She smiled up at Shizuo, lips as red as her heels.

"Good morning, Heiwajima-san," she said.

"Good morning, Sagawa-san," Shizuo nodded. He was just about forgetting about the terrible start to his morning. Miki stepped back and bounced on her heels.

"Thank you again for watching over us," Miki's mother said.

"Oh you're welcome, it wasn't much," Shizuo nodded his head.

"I'll be able to go back to school!" Miki said, "I got a card this big, everyone made it!" She spread her hands wide.

"That's good," Shizuo said. "Have you seen Nishi sensei yet?"

"Nope, he was out today. Orihara sensei took care of me."

Shizuo looked up sharply. At the open door a few feet away, Orihara stepped out, arms crossed and a bemused expression on his face. "He said everything sounds like it should. I'm all better now!"

Shizuo forced himself to look back at the little girl. "Great. I'm happy for you."

She beamed. "I'll be back next week for my last appointment. You better be there."

"I'll make sure to see you," Shizuo said.

Sagawa-san reached for her daughter's hand and smiled at Shizuo. "It was nice seeing you, Heiwajima-san."

"Yeah, nice seeing you too."

"Bye bye, Shizu-oniichan."

"Bye Miki. Make sure to stay strong."

Miki waved as she walked away, and Shizuo waited a few moments.

"Shizu-oniichan," Orihara said as if he were tasting the words, getting a feel for them. "That's adorable. Who would have guessed that you'd be a hit with the kids."

Shizuo looked both ways and saw that there were still too many people loitering in the hall. Orihara stepped back as Shizuo approached. He closed the door behind them. "Did you notice how that lady didn't take her eyes off you? It was terribly blatant she was into you."

"Give me back my uniform," Shizuo said in a low voice. He took the surgical mask from his face, and the elastic ripped when he tore it off.

"Oh? What's this about?"

"You broke into my locker, took my clothes, and left one of your short dresses there."

Orihara chuckled. "One of my short dresses? What makes you think I own dresses? Heh. Did you imagine me in it or something? You did, didn't you?"

"What? No, of course not." Shizuo crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Cause I imagined it on you when I picked it out."

"Hah! You just admitted to it…wait, you were imagining what?!" He couldn't be serious.

"You got me. So did you enjoy the gift, Shizuo-kun?" Orihara asked.

Shizuo shook his head in clear disbelief. "Gift? You call that a gift? I call it a clear case of harassment!"

" _Only_ harassment? Damn. That was _hardly_ my intention. And here I was worrying that I was hitting the nail with the hammer too hard."

"Yes, only harassment. Now can you please give me back my clothes?"

"Alright, alright," Orihara leaned against a counter. "I don't have it right now, but I will give it to you."

"Now!"

"As much as I'd love to sneak off with you," Orihara said with an obvious leer, "we're both on the clock. Come by my desk at around noon."

"Dammit, fine."

His fucking face lit up. "Great! See you soon, Shizu-chan!"

Shizuo cringed. "What did you call me?" He spoke the words slowly.

"Shizu-chan! Though, if you prefer, I could also call you Shizu-oni-chan. That works too."

"My name is Heiwajima, Shizuo. Don't call me disgusting things."

"But I kind of also like Nurse Shizu-chan. I'm sure the children would love it, too. Yeah, think of the children!"

"You're really pissing me off."

"Oh? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate your anger?"

Shizuo snorted. "How about we rate your pain after I beat you to death?"

"I see," Izaya nodded his head. "I'd rate it a seven and a half then- threatening, but still not at a murderous rage."

"I think it just rose to an eight."

"I guess I'd better be off then." Orihara sauntered away from the counter and opened the door.

"Yeah, that's the smartest thing you've said so far."

"Bye bye, Shizu-chan!" The bastard closed the door with a grating laugh.

Shizuo was still mildly irritated when it was finally his lunch break. He was sure of a perpetual itch right below his skin, he guessed somewhere in the subcutaneous tissue, or maybe deeper to his bones and marrow. He wondered how the bastard did it.

He had to ask a Morimoto-san, one of the few other nurses who was also a guy, if he knew where Orihara Izaya's desk was.

Shizuo found it a few minutes later, and he was still trying to reason with himself to not get too mad.

Orihara was there, and Shizuo was so terribly glad that mostly everyone was getting lunch now, so he didn't have to worry about potential witnesses.

The guy was playing with the sleeves of his uniform, pushing his arms through them. Shizuo's blood pressure began to rise, his heart beat faster. "Shizu-chan, what took you so long?" Orihara withdrew his arms and Shizuo then noticed that it hadn't been the top half of his uniform that Orihara had been putting his hands through, but the bottom half.

"What the fu-" Shizuo bit his bottom lip from cursing. "Ok what do you think you're doing? You better not be sticking needles anywhere."

He snickered. "Oh, I'm not doing anything. You know, just sticking my hands in your pants. Completely innocently too, I add."

 _Innocent my ass_. Shizuo thought bitterly. "Pisses me off," Shizuo grumbled. "Just give me my clothes."

"What? No please this time?"

"Please, before I wreck your face."

"Alright. Here." He tossed the rolled up bundle, and Shizuo caught it before it could smack against his face.

Immediately he could catch a scent that wasn't his own or his laundry detergent coming from his uniform. It wasn't bad, but Shizuo decided that he hated it and he wrinkled his nose. "What the hell? Were you rolling in my clothes or something?"

"I may have put them on and I may have rolled around in a sense," Orihara leaned back in his chair with a grin. "Taken a tumble or two."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Shizuo said with obvious distaste, his eyes narrowed.

"Whatever you wish to imagine it as." Those red eyes mocked him with glee. And Shizuo didn't want to imagine the terrible things this terrible person did while in the clothes his brother gave him. He tried to convince himself that his clothes were fine, and that they could be washed of the bastard's stench.

"I'm going to end up scarfing down my lunch because of you, wasting my time, dammit." He walked out of the room, without so much as another look. Across the hall was a vending machine and he decided to grab a sports drink, hoping that it would lessen his rising temperature.

"Hold on a second. I took the liberty of reading your file both as an employee and as an occasional patient," Orihara said, catching up with him. "And I noticed something that gives me a cause for concern."

Shizuo glared. He put his bundle of clothes under his arm, and brought the plastic bottle of Aquarius to his mouth and chugged half of it. Surely Orihara had to have breached security going through personnel files like that.

The bastard gave him his best professional look. "Well, tell me honestly. When was the last time you had your prostate examined?"

He sprayed his drink all over his hand, some soaking his front. "What the hell?" He wiped the front of his mouth with the back of his hand. His clothes under his arm seemed to be doing fine.

"Shizu-chan, prostate cancer is a very serious matter and all those carcinogens from those awful, disgusting cigarettes aren't doing your body any favor. I could give you a quick and easy checkup, you know, just a poke and it will be all over faster than you can say pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Then you can sleep easy for another year."

"I don't have to start that for another 20 years, what the hell is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem, I'm just concerned for your health. You know, early detection is the best prevention."

"Oh shut up, I'd take a fucking PSA test if I really wanted to. Go take your concern and shove it up an old man's wrinkly ass, or just finger your-fucking-self."

Shizuo had to deal with one perverted doctor already, but a second one who was an asshole as well? No way. No fucking way.

Orihara, the bastard, smiled fondly at Shizuo. "I'm only trying to be nice." This was him being nice? Shizuo shuddered. "You know, I could have you replacing the catheter bags or other medical waste cleanup duty for the next few days if I really wanted to."

Shizuo couldn't stop the twitch over his eyebrows. "You don't have control over my schedule."

Izaya snickered. "I don't? Then it might be a good idea for you to recheck your schedule."

Shizuo narrowed his eyes. "You're annoying," Shizuo said. "If you keep harassing me, I'm going to report you."

"That's it? Report me?" Orihara laughed. "You're going to report me? Haha! Shinra was so wrong about you."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Shizuo couldn't stop his voice from rising. Luckily the hall was empty, but he wasn't so sure if the rooms were as well. Some poor patient was probably pissing his pants. "Why are you acting like such a dick? Leave me the fuck alone."

"Shinra said that if I pissed you off, you'd go crazy and go all hulk on me, minus the green muscle mass of course. But I havn't seen you lose it."

"That's it? You want to see me destroy shit when I'm angry."

"Yeah." Orihara shrugged his shoulders.

Shizuo closed his eyes before speaking. "I've worked my ass off to get this far. I'm not going to ruin five years of work just because you're an asshole and want to see me crush things. No. If you fucking make me lose my job, I'm going to kill you. I will murder you by ripping off your arms and legs. No actually I'm going to break all 206 of your bones and then reset them, then break them again and again. I've done that to people, y'know break and reset their bones. The assholes who used to piss me off and who'd pick fights with me, yeah, they were good practice. I fucking love the sound of bones snapping, I'm sure yours will be sweet and crisp too."

Orihara nodded his head. "Yeah, but if you were to murder me, then what about your brother's career?"

"My brother…?" Shizuo's voice had gone a register lower.

"I'm sure it would destroy your brother's reputation. Kasuka Heiwajima, or better known as Yuhei Hanejima. I can see the resemblance, though your face is so much more expressive than his, funny right. I'm sure it-"

Shizuo's body moved without him cognitively aware. His hands grasped metal and lifted, feeling the hum of the machine before it came up so high that the plug popped out and it crunched against the ceiling. Still without him processing it, he maneuvered it on its side, so that he'd be able to lift it over his head.

It was then in his rush when he was going to take aim, that he saw Orihara's face. It was enough to confuse his slowly catching up mind. He'd seen people piss themselves with fear at his displays of violence. People have passed out before he's even hit them. Sure, Shinra has looked on him with awe, but he's never actually fully directed all of his anger at the guy.

Even with the threat of a vending machine about to crush him down, Orihara looked pleased, his eyes delighted. He could see those hands moving before Shizuo could hear that he was clapping.

Shizuo blinked his confusion away, torn with throwing the vending machine or placing it down and keeping his job. That's when Orihara pulled a folded up scalpel from his coat pocket and opened it with ease.

"I've also heard your skin's tougher than leather. I wonder if that's true, too." Orihara leapt forward and Shizuo moved back, the vending machine hitting the wall and causing him to lose his grip on it. It fell behind him. Orihara pivoted and ran. The next second his hands had turned to fists and he was running hard against the floor, chasing a white fluttering coat and black fluttering hair.

This guy was fast. Faster than Shizuo, even though Shizuo had longer legs.

A startled co-worker kept to the wall as they ran.

"It's an emergency. They need us in the operating room," Orihara shouted over his shoulder, then snickered.

Shizuo's feet pounded against the floor, and his heart rate was a furious string of beats. They reached the stairwell, and it was Shizuo's turn to be amazed as the guy jumped flights of stairs, going over the railings.

"Stop running!" Shizuo's voice echoed through the halls as he jumped after him, his landing not nearly as graceful. "Get back here so I can crush you!" The white coat made it look like he was gliding through the air, jumping around like some kind of insect. Their eyes met in a brief moment and Shizuo caught just the edge of a smirk. "Stop running, you fucking flea!"

"Shizu-chan is amazing! See! I knew we could have fun!"

A railing bent under his mistreatment.

"Hurry up, we only have twenty minutes till our break is over! If you can catch me I'll buy you ice cream."

The flea went through a door, running outside, and Shizuo dropped down to the ground, bolting through the still closing door and squeezing his way through.

He was easy to spot with that white long coat, running like he was flying. Shizuo tore after him, his breaths coming in harsh pants. "Iiiiiizzzaaaayyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Shizuo shouted. "I'm going to tear you apart!"

A laugh was his only response, as he chased those quick legs.

Not only was Izaya fast, but he had incredible endurance. They were running along the hospital, then an alleyway. Shizuo passed people, but they were blurs as his eyes were experiencing tunnel vision, only able to zero in on Orihara Izaya.

Izaya turned sharply, and Shizuo brushed against that white flapping coat.

"Arggg!" He could feel the beat of his heart throbbing against his forehead. He pressed on faster, ignoring the burn of his leg muscles. Izaya turned again, but this time he went into a brightly lit store. So the bastard thought he could hide if in public? Yeah right.

Shizuo was careful of the glass doors as pushed it open. In his peripheral vision, Shizuo could see that there were many people here, but he didn't give it a second thought when he took three more long strides and lunged, arms just about touching that white coat. It came by complete surprise that the flea suddenly stopped, the momentum causing him to crash and send them both to the floor.

It took a few seconds for Shizuo's mind to catch up with his now still body. Izaya was equally still, directly under him. Maybe he did crush him? Shizuo could feel from under his chest, harsh breathing that wasn't his own. Ok, so not dead. He blinked back some of his confusion.

"Ow," Izaya groaned and his voice was muffled. "I feel like I got hit by a truck. Did you replace all your bones with steel?"

Shizuo scowled. "I caught you, so now I get to crush you."

"You already are. And I said you could get ice cream if you caught me, not crush me, silly. Ow, I think I cracked some ribs." He shifted and hissed in pain. "Well, maybe just bruised."

Shizuo could hear a low hum of whispering. He looked up lifting up his torso with his arms. Around them, people were watching and speaking in hushed tones. A few people were pointing and a couple girls were giggling. On the wall paper were two letters, pink and blue. Shizuo noticed two things in quick succession. First that they were in the middle of the floor of a Baskin Robbins. Second that he was sprawled over Izaya in a rather compromising position considering they were still lying there panting on the floor, Izaya's ass under the lower part of his abdomen, but to these people it might as well have been his crotch.

Shizuo felt a new burn pass over his cheeks, different from the burn of anger. He jumped off of Izaya. "I'm going to kill you," he seethed.

Izaya gracefully, albeit very slowly, propped himself up and stood on his own, brushing the dirt from his coat. He walked over to the counter with a slight limp.

"Sorry about that, my friend just gets really excited at the prospect of eating ice cream. Can I get the sweetest thing you have? Oh and vanilla too. Three scoops should be fine."

Shizuo really considered killing Izaya. He weighed it on his mind. But he held off for the moment with a heavy scowl, deciding killing Izaya would be all the sweeter if he had free ice cream too while doing it.

"It better come in a freaking cone, or you're dead."

" _Hai, hai,_ " Izaya smiled at the cashier who was watching them with wide eyes. "See. I told you, so excitable."

It came by no surprise that Shizuo got an extra scoop from the terrified worker, on another cone of course.

* * *

End of chapter 2

Some things that just might be actual notes:

Before, a female nurse was referred to as 看護婦さん（Kangofu san).

A nurse who happened to also be male was 看護士さん（Kangoshi san).

However, there was a change in regulation, so female and male nurses both are called 看護師さん（Kangoshi-san).

You all probably know this- 鬼 oni is pretty much an ogre/demon/yōkai/monster, or ogre-like person.

I've never watched shows like House or Scrubs, so just bear my limited knowledge- I was an EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) once a time ago, when I was 17/18 so that is something...

Thank you for reading and for any feedback


	3. Panic at the BR

The sweet vanilla flavor melted in Shizuo's mouth. There was a cone in each of his hands and a large paper bowl filled with more scopes than he was ever willing to spend on ice cream, all of it glistening under the fluorescent lights. He had to alternate between each to ensure that nothing would melt and run down at the ends. The sprinkles and chocolate chips were already licked off from the cones in his hands.

This was just what he needed. If he could, he would eat this for lunch everyday. He carefully held both cones in one hand so that he could take a spoonful of ice cream drizzled in colorful confetti like pieces. He kept the purple spoon longer in his mouth than was probably necessary, but fuck was it good and he absolutely needed it.

He heard a click. A simple click. His eyes opened. He hadn't even realized that he'd closed them while in his bliss. His mood soured as he saw the man sitting across from him, fiddling with his expensive looking phone.

The spoon cracked loudly in his mouth. He angrily took the pieces away.

Orihara Izaya smirked from behind his phone, and there was that same click.

All of his previous anger shimmered through his veins, making his forehead throb. He neatly placed the broken plastic on a napkin. He should just leave and find a bench to sit on. Why was he still sitting here, eating ice cream with this creep? With this annoying pest who took his thin purple spoon from his own mouth and stabbed it into Shizuo's colorful ice cream.

"Here, have mine." He said.

Shizuo would have slapped his defiled ice cream in Izaya's face, but that would be a loss of ice cream. He eyed Izaya's own untouched green tea flavored single scoop of ice cream melting at the sides in his small paper cup. How a man could ignore perfectly good ice cream in front of him was inconceivable to Shizuo. It just further proved how much of a twisted bastard this man was.

"Don't touch my ice cream!" Shizuo threatened in a whisper, not wanting to be too loud since there were children around him.

Since the spoon was already in his ice cream, the damage was already done and he didn't bother getting up to get a new one if that meant leaving the entire thing alone with the other man. He glowered distrustfully at the pest as he ran his tongue over the melting trail along his cone.

Shizuo would have gone back to blissfully enjoying his ice cream if Izaya hadn't started stifling a laugh, with one hand, his phone still out, and pissing him off even more.

"What's so funny?" Shizuo said between a mouthful of cold, delicious ice cream.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing." Izaya said. Which Shizuo didn't believe. "Oh, by the way, you don't have to worry about the broken vending machine or the bent railings. I've already taken care of everything."

Shizuo let the words sink in. Yes, he had broken the vending machine. He ought to be fired for that.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that everything is currently being replaced and no one will be the wiser."

Shizuo continued to frown, not really getting it. "You think buying me ice cream and cleaning up my mess is gonna save your sorry ass? Cause once my hands are free, you are so dead."

"Hmm. I guess I'll just have to keep buying you cones then."

The cones in his own hand were crushed, and ice cream and cone pieces dribbled between his fingers as if he had killed them. He looked from his hand to Izaya, wondering if now would be a good time to strangle him. A few people and children sitting close by gawked at him, and Shizuo remembered that he was in public where kids with their parents and couples were enjoying their desserts. His ears burned and he felt like an idiot.

Izaya passed him a few square napkins with the letters B and R printed on them. What Shizuo could salvage he combined it to his bowl of ice cream.

"Shall I buy you some more?" His wallet was already out, and Shizuo felt even more stupid.

"Don't bother."

Izaya settled back in his seat, the easy smile on his face. His phone vibrated and he looked down, laughed, and began to type.

Shizuo took a bite of his ice cream, but it lost some of it's heavenly flavor. He finished it anyway, wiped the grey table of any remaining mess, and he cleaned his hands of the stickiness. Only seven minutes remained of his lunch break. It wasn't really enough time to murder someone and hide the body. He also wanted to keep his job.

He stood up and threw away his trash. Izaya did the same, dumping his untouched ice cream, which kind of annoyed Shizuo all over again and confused him. Why the hell had he decided to go to an ice cream shop if he didn't want any ice cream?

When they were out of the store, Shizuo went at a brisk pace, trying to outwalk the other and get back to work on time. Of course the bastard followed him and was beside him like an evil, grinning parasite.

"Go another way. I'm walking here."

"Is this _your_ sidewalk, Shizu-chan? Because the way I see this, it's the fastest way."

"Don't call me that and don't walk so close to me!"

He stepped back finally, and Shizuo was able to breathe again.

"Alright, alright." Izaya said, but he was still following Shizuo and it was uncomfortable as hell. They made it to the hospital and he went through one of the back entrances where he normally went out to smoke for a bit. And at last Izaya had said goodbye.

Shizuo sighed in relief and checked the time. He had about three minutes to spare. Would he be able to survive much more of this? Should he transfer hospitals? Fuck! He just moved into his new apartment and would hate to break the lease if he ended up too far. What was the bastards problem anyway?

"Ah, Heiwajima-san." Shizuo came out of his thoughts and turned to see one of his colleges who he had forgotten the name of.

"Yes?"

She pointed to his chest, and he wondered if he had gotten any ice cream there when he had crushed the cone. But what he saw was much worse. His shirt had been sliced open revealing a nick as deep as a papercut but going a couple inches across his sternum. How had he not noticed that? He looked at it dumbly before he remembered that he was in company. He also had no explanation.

"Izaya..." He began, but it's not like he could tell her the whole story. "Sorry, it's nothing." He put a hand over his ruined shirt and walked away as fast as he could so that he could change. Then he remembered that he had gone to the bastard's desk to get his uniform back, but now he couldn't remember just where he had dropped it. He would have to borrow another pair. It was really no surprise that he was late for his shift again.

It was many paranoid hours later of thinking that he'd be fired any second, and once his shift ended he breathed out a loud sigh in relief. It seemed like Izaya had told him the truth about taking care of things.

On his way to the locker, Shizuo took out his phone to message Shinra.

 _[There is something seriously messed up with that bastard. He's harassing me.]_

The response didn't come right away, not that he was expecting it to. Shizuo decided to go home. He made it to his locker and opened it to find a uniform hanging there. His uniform and not some cheap slutty nurse costume. His nose scrunched as he took it out, smelling the stench that seemed to permeate from his clothes. He'd need to wash them with extra bleach at this rate.

He didn't feel completely safe till he had made it to his apartment. He took a quick much needed shower, and the tension left his shoulders as the spray ran over his back. Walking out in fresh clothes and towel drying his hair, Shizuo felt almost normal again. He checked his fridge for something that he could make. It was while he was pouring himself some water that his phone beeped.

It was probably Shinra, and he wondered why in the first place he had decided to contact him about this, when just thinking about it got him on edge all over again. He went to his phone anyway and flipped it open. It was indeed from Shinra.

 _[Harassing? But I just got back from messaging Izaya and was about to congratulate you. I thought for sure the date was a success. I got the pictures too.]_

In the next message, there was a photo attachment of him eating ice cream with stupid looking glitter everywhere. Shizuo struggled not to break his phone.

[ _That wasn't a date! That's the harassment I was talking about!]_

 _[What? Buying you ice cream? But...I told him you liked ice cream. Oops.]_

 _[You don't understand. He's inappropriately harassing me.]_

Shinra was certainly laughing at him. But he was also the only guy that knew Izaya and who might be able to help.

 _[Is he now? Ah, I wish I was so lucky to have Celty inappropriately harassing me! Ah, Celty can do anything to me, and it would be exquisite. Just the other day, she made me dinner in an apron. I nearly died from happiness. She was so cute...]_

Shizuo was disgusted. He didn't bother reading the rest. Of course he couldn't expect the perverted doctor to help him.

Shizuo threw his phone into the couch and it bounced from the cushion and clattered to the floor. He got up and began to pace around his room with his hands in his damp hair.

He never before wanted to kill someone so badly. He needed to hire an assassin, that was the only way that he could keep his job. But he didn't have enough money probably. He'd have to save up, right? But that would take too long, and he'd end up just killing Izaya.

He growled, hating feeling like this. It'd been so long since he felt so out of control that he might just do something stupid. He'd spent too much effort to just let one asshole ruin his life.

He ended up smoking an entire pack that night, all the while thinking up ways to get the flea off his back, but coming up short each time. On his last cigarette he was thinking that maybe rotting the rest of his life in prison wasn't that bad, if it meant that the man was dead.

But that wasn't _really_ a solution.

He would just have to endure for now.

* * *

Wow, this was long over due. Don't know when the next update will be though.


	4. Unconventional Methods

Shizuo spent the night wrestling with his sheets and mumbling curses under his breath. When the first rays of dawn softened the night sky, he rolled over so that he could curse some more into his pillow.

He had work in a few hours. If he could just stop thinking about that pain in the ass for five minutes straight then maybe he could sleep for an hour or two. But of course his brain had other ideas.

Not three minutes later and Shizuo mumbled in his pillow, "I'll kill him. Then I'll revive him and kill him again. That way I can kill him twice. Then I'll revive him again and he can stay alive and then I don't go to prison for life." It was almost a viable plan. The best he could manage. Except it was complicated, risky, and what if he couldn't resuscitate him the third time?

He tossed the sheets off, got up angrier than when he went to bed, and spent the rest of the morning trying to keep his homicidal thoughts to a minimum. In the back of the shelves above his sink was an unopened case of instant coffee that he kept for the rare times he had guests over. Glaring as he read the directions, he poured three packets in a mug and filled the rest with milk. With a chopstick, he mixed it together and as an afterthought, he added two spoonfuls of sugar.

Before drinking it, Shizuo thought of taking the day off. Then he felt bad at all the inconvenience it would bring if others had to fill in for him. While toasting some bread he sipped on his sweet milk coffee. By the time he was finished eating, he felt no better. There was nothing stopping him from seeing that parasitic man in a few hours. He drank the rest in one go.

Work used to be fun. People appreciated that he could do all the heavy lifting when the other nurses struggled. Work used to be a place where Shizuo could feel good, but as he opened his locker and found a picture of himself with green drawn hearts and puppy dog ears on his head, Shizuo felt his blood pressure rise. He tore the picture up and crushed the pieces. Someone entered the room and left immediately and Shizuo tried to suppress the murderous rage on his face. He'd have to get a lock so that the pest wouldn't go snooping in his things.

The morning didn't get any better. The first thing he learned was that his schedule got rearranged. Most of the colleagues he normally worked with were switched with that single name that he had been cursing the entire night.

"Excuse me, but I think there's been a mistake in my schedule?" Shizuo asked the shift manager. If it weren't for the surgical mask, then she would have seen his barred teeth.

"Ah, Heiwajima-san. Good morning. Actually, someone needed to show Orihara-Sensei around, get him to feel more comfortable and you two are the same age."

"Is it not too late to change it?"

"Is there a problem?"

Shizuo chewed on the bottom of his lip. He couldn't exactly say he was getting harassed by the guy. "No."

"I'm afraid changing the schedule now is a little..."

"Okay, I got it. Thank you for your help..." He looked at her name tag. "Nakayama-san."

"Thank you for understanding. I've heard some nice things about Orihara-sensei so I'm sure you two can get along."

"Yeah..." Shizuo muttered. "Thanks."

On the schedule, he was supposed to help in the operating room with that bastard. His stomach tied in knots as he thought of all the bad things which could go wrong. Shit! Putting up with the bastard was one thing, but endangering a patient's life because of it? Shizuo didn't feel good about this at all.

The surgical mask may have hid that sly smirk, but Shizuo could read those all too interested eyes. When their focus went to the patient, Shizuo let out a shallow breath. Listening to the pest talk to the man was annoying, so Shizuo helped get the room setup with another co-worker.

When the patient went under and Izaya first started, the metal flashed as it worked into skin. It was too fast, and Shizuo worried that Izaya was messing around; however, it became apparent the precision and skill was the level of skill of a surgeon who had done this their entire life and not fresh out of school. The bastard was quicker than anyone Shizuo had ever seen, even more so than Shinra who loved dissecting.

It was almost scary how familiar the pest was with the inside workings of the human body. This particular operation was an appendectomy with an infected appendix close to bursting. Izaya had made an incision in the lower abdomen and less than thirty minutes later he was closing it up.

Shizuo was beyond relieved that Izaya hadn't said anything out of line or inappropriate; whether he was so focused on what he was doing or considerate of the company he shared, Shizuo didn't know. The operation was a success and Shizuo did most of the cleanup.

They had to wait for the anesthesia to wear off and for the patient to wake up, and while normally Shizuo would wait by himself, the flea stuck around. He sent their co-worker off, and immediately Shizuo's hackles rose.

"Good work, Shizu-chan."

"Don't call me that, and why the hell was my schedule changed?"

"I was quite surprised too, you know since I had nothing to do with that. Must be a coincidence."

"Coincidence my ass," Shizuo was aware enough to lower his tone. "You think I forgot what you said yesterday? About being able to change my schedule. So it's just a coincidence that my schedule changed, huh?"

"Yup. I'm only a simple doctor. Someone thought that it'd be good if I had a helper to show me around and how could I refuse such a thing when your name popped up."

There were many things wrong with that. "Easy," Shizuo said. "You could have asked for someone else. And I bet you know your way around the hospital and the people here better than I do. You did look up my file, so I bet you looked at everyone's file."

Izaya chuckled and slipped off his surgical mask. There was that smirk that got on Shizuo's nerves. "I wouldn't do that. You're just special, Shizu-chan."

"I asked you before, don't call me that, it's annoying."

"But it fits you nicely." He played with the elastic of the mask, spinning it around his finger. "You look a little tired. Did you sleep all right?"

"I slept fine," Shizuo grumbled. He could easily imagine the flea's look of delight if he said that he couldn't sleep because of a certain pest.

"Hmm?" He hummed as he stepped closer, getting way too close like he had no idea what personal space was. "Really now? Shall I do a quick check up? It's dangerous if you're tired while we have a patient. There's an extra bed here if you need a quick nap. This guy here should be out for another twenty minutes."

Shizuo didn't think that the guy should be out for that long. Had the flea done that on purpose? He frowned. "I said I was fine."

"Then let me get you a coffee."

"No thanks. I already had some." Any more and he'd be having jittery hands and he'd be itching to run laps. Plus this asshole would probably spit in his drink or lick the cup or something equally gross.

"We have a long day ahead of us. I need you fully functional."

"I can't sleep on the job."

"Relax, no one would know. I'll wake you up in twenty."

"Still, I know you'd do something to me, so no way." A migraine was forming and he ignored it.

"Aww, you can trust me! All of your organs will remain untouched, I promise."

Fuck, did that sound gross as hell.

"And," Izaya continued. "I do owe you for yesterday. I may have gone a little too far, so let me make it up to you."

Sheesh, the more he talked the more suspicious he sounded. Whatever he was planning smelled fucking awful.

He was about to tell Izaya to shove his concern somewhere else, but Shizuo got the feeling that saying that would make the rest of their eight hours at work unbearable. If Izaya wanted to make his life hell, then there would be no stopping Shizuo from becoming angry and losing his job. That was if he didn't mess up because he was so fucking tired. "Fine, I'll only rest my eyes then."

"That's good."

He went over to the spare clean bed in the corner and got in. "Do anything funny and I'll give you a new face."

"Don't worry, Shizu-chan, you're safe with me."

"As if." He drew the white curtain across the bed and turned so that he was facing away. The sun had warmed up the bed and Shizuo covered his eyes with his arm so the light wouldn't bother him. He knew this was a stupid idea, but he also never expected to doze off. He woke up slowly to something tickling his ear.

He nearly slapped himself awake trying to get it to stop. Then he realized where he was and woke up fully. He looked over to see Izaya waving at him.

"Oh good, you're awake. You have a cute snore. Exactly how I'd imagine a monster to sound like."

"Ugh. Shut up." Shizuo groaned.

"I thought for sure the entire third floor would hear you."

Shizuo ran a hand over his face. "Shit, how long was I out for?"

"A few hours."

"What!?" Shizuo shot up in the bed, the metal frame jolted as if it would collapse.

"It's our lunch break. I tried to wake you up, but you were out like you got knocked out by a high dose of propofol."

"Huh...did you put me under?"

"No, of course not." He gave him a pointed look and sighed. "I did give you my word that I wouldn't do anything."

Shizuo covered his eyes. "Ah, shit. Should have woken me up. Fuck. Shouldn't have fallen asleep!"

"Relax, no one knows. To everyone's knowledge, you were working your ass off helping me."

"That's not the point." Shizuo snapped and grabbed the handles of the bed frame. "I take this job seriously. I can't just disappear and take a nap whenever I feel like it."

For a moment, Izaya looked annoyed, but then he stepped back and brought his hands up like he was surrendering. "Okay, I understand and I'm sorry. You're right. I should have woken you up. I just thought you looked exhausted...Just think of it as you acting out on my orders, as your doctor."

"You're not my doctor." Shizuo got off the bed and stretched his arms. On the wall was a clock that read 12:40. How the fuck had he slept for three and a half hours? Unbelievable. He looked down at his uniform to make sure everything was in place, then at his reflection in the mirror. All that was out of place was the unmanageable bed head and Shizuo ran his fingers through his hair.

Izaya was fiddling with his phone and grinning. Fuck, he better not have taken photos as blackmail or some shit like that. Izaya looked up and asked, "did you bring lunch or are you going to buy something?"

Normally he bought something from the convenience store on the first floor. He didn't have the patience to make lunch before work. On the second floor there was a small food court and cafe for visitors, and sometimes if he had longer than twenty minutes he'd order something from there. Today didn't seem like one of those days. "I'm buying."

"Well, if you want, I made extra for lunch. I recently bought a new rice cooker and I made too much this morning so I just ended up using all the rice. It's nothing special."

Shizuo yawned and belatedly covered his mouth with a hand. "What you only made rice?" If that was true it would explain why he was so thin.

"No. There are some side dishes too."

"Hmm."

"...so was that a yes?"

"You didn't do anything weird to it?"

"Oh please, I have to eat it too."

"What'll you do with it if I say no?"

"Probably throw it out."

Wasting food was something that annoyed him greatly. "All right, fine. Thanks."

Izaya probably wasn't expecting him to say yes, because now he was grinning too much like he was getting his way, and it was annoying.

"Great! Let's go."

The break room on the second floor was less crowded than the main dining room and it was where he normally scarfed down his food. Though the number of people there now was much the same as he'd expect, with Izaya's presence souring the air, if felt much more crowded than he was used to. Why the hell he had agreed to spend more time with this pest? And yesterday too. Shizuo made a mental note to learn to refuse free food. It wasn't like when he was studying at university and was getting by with instant ramen and fast food– he was making money now and could afford nice things if he wanted them.

Still he had already agreed. Izaya was sitting across from him with that self-satisfied grin as he retrieved two hefty lunch boxes. Judging by the size, it must have been a lot of rice, but when Shizuo opened the lid and saw a well-balanced meal with most of his favorites, he was surprised to see that there wasn't a whole lot of to rice going around.

"What is this?" There was no hiding the skepticism from his tone.

"Food."

"I thought you said it was nothing special."

"It's not. Just something I made in a hurry." The heart shaped carrot slices suggested otherwise.

Something was very off with this. "You made this for me didn't you."

"Of course not. Don't be presumptuous."

"...you're trying to fool me into thinking you're nice so that I won't beat the shit out of you."

"Haha, you're a riot. But I _am_ a nice person. Ask anyone."

"Shinra said you were an asshole."

"Well Shinra is a lousy friend with questionable standards. He hardly counts. I'm not trying to fool you. This is me getting to know you better and making up for yesterday. Let's get along, right."

Taking the food was a bad idea, but shoving it in Izaya's face was probably worse, even if it would be satisfying. He took the sleek set of lacquered chopsticks that had oni decorations painted on them. Izaya's had ninja stars. "Thanks for the food," Shizuo said. He took a bite of the tamagoyaki and it was just a tad too sweet, exactly how he liked it to be. The rice was cooked with azuki beans and thus slightly sweet as well. To the side was steamed pumpkin. The main dish was chicken karaage. It didn't taste like it came premade from the freezer. Izaya either bought the good kind or made it himself. In fact, nothing tasted strange or poisoned. It was actually very good. Better than what he would have bought in the convenience store. He looked over at Izaya's lunch which had similar dishes.

"Do you like sweet foods?" Shizuo asked as he took a bite of the steamed pumpkin. It was soft and naturally sweet.

"Not so much. I just happened to be in the mood for something sweet today."

"It's good."

Izaya smiled and shrugged it off. "It's not much. I would sometimes make myself lunch during high school."

His mom had always made lunch for him. He could have offered to make it instead, but she had always been happy to do it for him. "I see." He said and ate a piece of fried chicken. It had a hint of lemon to it.

"So Shizu-chan–"

"Don't call me that." The threatening tone was lost around the chicken.

"Okay. What made you want to become a nurse? It's not something I'd suspect something you'd want to do."

Shizuo frowned. He should have been used to this question. It was a good thing he stopped throwing the people who asked him that, but he wasn't sure if he could continue playing nice. "Yeah, what's it to you?"

"Nothing. I just find it interesting."

Shizuo tsked. "Do you always ask people annoying questions?"

"Asking someone why they picked their career is a pretty standard question. Then how about I answer the question first and then you tell me why."

Shizuo hated this question because he always felt judged from it. Why did he have to prove anything to anyone? "How about you knock yourself out?"

Izaya stifled a chuckle as he shook his head. "It just seems like this line of work isn't well suited for us, right. Doing this wasn't my first choice of profession. I really enjoy observing others and I find human behavior fascinating. Actually, I prefer psychology and therapy, you know, talking with patients, but my methods of treatment were considered unconventional. It was recommended by several of my professors that either I follow the books or choose a different field. It was annoying that they kept on lowering my scores just because they refused any other theories outside the books. So boring, right? I got annoyed arguing with them, and then there was the part that I would get perfect scores in my other courses. Anatomy, physiology, and biochemistry were still interesting to me so I pursued them. This is what I'm good at, even if I find it boring at times."

Boring? After spending years slaving over his text books and trying to understand all the procedures, medical terms, and conditions, having this shithead say it was easy and boring...well, fuck him.

"Well, it's a good thing then." Shizuo chewed harder than necessary. "You would have made a shitty therapist."

"So mean." Izaya whined, but he didn't look at all bothered. "So will you tell me now?"

"No. It's none of your business."

"Hmph. But I told you my reason."

"Yeah, and I didn't care."

"I'll ask you another day."

"Don't bother."

"Oh, I will."

Shizuo was done talking and he wanted to get the fuck out of here as fast as possible. He shoveled the rest of the food away like a pro, not caring about the unamused face Izaya was making.

"Done. Thanks for the meal." He said and closed the box before standing. "I'm going outside to smoke."

Izaya pouted as he poked at his food with his chopsticks. "Smoking is terrible for your health."

"Yeah, obviously, and I don't care and you shouldn't either."

"Whatever." Izaya said with a small frown. "Don't be late."

Shizuo was walking out and waved a hand in dismissal. He only had time for one cigarette. As he stood in the designated smoking section with a cigarette in his hand, he took a long drag.

That lunch box was definitely made for him. Why else would the pest make all of his favorites? If Izaya had asked Shinra what he liked for lunch, then he seriously needed to set Shinra straight. What the hell did that guy want anyway? Trying to trick him by pretending to be nice. Ah, what a fucking pain. Izaya wasn't going to fool anyone.

He took another deep drag and stubbed the rest of his cigarette. He had four more hours to go with that bastard. He ran a hand down his face. It was difficult to imagine surviving the rest of the day, but there was the horrifying thought that he'd have to survive weeks, months, and maybe even years. He shuddered and put on his mask before his expression frightened anyone.

When their next shift started once more, Shizuo was relieved that Izaya was more focused on work. The hours passed slowly without major incident. Only once did he have to use his strength to move a patient in and out of the bed. At long last when they were done, Izaya sat down in a stool and stretched. "Good work. Today was really long, right."

Shizuo wasn't going to stick around and chat. "Yeah. I suppose. I have a lot of things I need to do back at home. So I have to get going."

Izaya grinned and leaned back into the desk behind him. He looked completely relaxed. There was something in his expression that innately irritated him. "So soon? That's too bad. I'll see you around then."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." Once he was out of the room, he took a deep breath and slumped back against the wall. He'd done well not to snap at all today. He was beginning to hope that maybe this bastard wasn't so bad. Maybe Izaya was awful at first impression, just as Shizuo was bad at giving good impressions.

It was a twenty-five minute walk to his apartment and he went at a brisk pace. He could tell something was wrong even before he made it around the corner of his street. There were four police cars parked in front of the apartment complex. The landlord was gesturing wildly as he talked.

Shizuo had never gotten in trouble with the law, but there had been some close calls. He walked over with his head bowed, hoping to go unnoticed. Of course Shizuo wasn't so lucky.

"That's him," the landlord cried and Shizuo stepped back alarmed when the officers turned towards him. "He lives in 403. It's his apartment. I've been trying to get in contact with him for the past hour!"

One man stood with his feet wide apart and his hands on his belt. His face was round and blotchy red. He wore thin framed glasses. The other guy was stout and balding. They both were not happy to see him. "Is this true? You live in 403 of this apartment?"

"Yes, I do. Is something wrong?"

"There was a report of suspicious noise and activity. A break in occurred about three hours ago. You'll have to tell us if anything is missing. But the main problem is something else...you'll see what I mean."

Shizuo was still processing what had happened as they walked the four flights of stairs. His neighbors' faces peered through the cracks of their windows and doors. His door was already opened and from here he could smell something that he had gotten so used to in his line of work. Still, even after dealing with blood all day, he still felt sick to his stomach at the amount of blood drenched on the wooden floors and walls of his apartment, it looked like a multiple homicide had taken place in his home. Shizuo stared dumbly at the mess. "The fuck...did someone die here?"

"We can't tell for now. We'll know after the results of the blood samples, but we're thinking it's some kind of animal's blood."

His landlord was unable to contain himself any longer as his face became red and his eyes bulged. "You must have left the apartment unlocked! All of those floors need to be replaced. I knew you would be trouble to take in. Look at all of this damage! Do you think the insurance will cover this? That's not even all of it! The walls are ruined too. Do you think anyone's going to want to live here after–"

"Shut up." Shizuo growled. He swung the door open further and saw all of his things thrown around, some of it drying in the dark red mess. He hadn't even finished unpacking and now the boxes were upturned. He honestly didn't have much to steal, but this was everything he had. He was barely holding back from tearing the door off. The handle cracked under his grip.

Obviously someone wanted to piss him off and give him a message. There were a handful of people he had pissed off that would try something like this. People he had sent to the hospital after breaking their bones, but Shizuo knew only one person who would go this far.

Past the heavy smell of metal was the bastard's stench. This was Izaya's doing all right. Shizuo had no way to prove it, but he just knew it was him.

The police officers were talking to him, but he heard nothing as he stepped inside, not even caring if his shoes got bloody. The blood extended to the other rooms as well. His couch, his futon and blankets, and most of his clothes were ruined. He would have thrown the couch into the wall if the police officers and his landlord weren't there.

Everything bad that happened, no matter how small, was somehow connected to the pest, and Shizuo came to understand that quickly.

* * *

I mentioned in my other fict that I won't be updating on this site for some time, but I forgot to mention the same thing here. So if you want more check out this story on Ao3. Thanks for reading


	5. Idiopathic

_sent 7:32 [...hey, can I ask you a favor?]_

 _sent 8:21 [sorry, just saw this. I was out with Celty. Is everything okay?]_

 _sent 8:22 [No. I'm with the police now. my apartment got broken into. It's completely trashed. I need somewhere to stay the night.]_

 _sent 8:22 [what? Really now? That's awful]_

 _sent 8:22 [you know Izaya said he was looking for a roommate. His place has two extra bedrooms. You two seem to get along pretty well. Maybe he can help]_

 _sent 8:23 [he's the one who messed up my apartment! WHEN I SEE HIM IM GOINH TO KILL HIMM]_

 _sent 8:23 [huh? why would he do that? Are you sure it was him? Weren't you with him all day? I got the pictures.]_

 _sent 8:23 [YES it was him. Who else would throw buckets of blood around my apartment?]_

 _sent 8:24 [woah! That is something. What you think he stole blood from the hospital? That doesn't sound like him at all. Too risky. Hahaha, or maybe he would do that. But my dad is here on a surprise visit. You know how he get's around you]_

 _sent 8:25 [...]_

 _sent 8:25 [send me Orihara's address, will you? I need to talk to him]_

 _sent 8:25 [yeah sort this out, I bet it's a funny misunderstanding. Don't hurt him too much. Hold on a sec]_

Shizuo sat in the waiting area at the police station. It had taken hours to get most of it sorted out. He had been worried that someone from the news would want to interrogate him and have the story in the papers, but as of now they were keeping it under wraps, calling it an elaborate prank. The blood work testing took four hours, and in that time Shizuo had barely been holding on to his temper as they treated him coldly, probably wondering what he'd done to deserve this. The testing came back revealing pig's blood. After that they let him go, and Shinra had finally gotten back to him.

He had invested months of saving up for a better apartment, and now he'd definitely lose the security deposit and two months reikin. It had taken a lot just to ask Shinra for a spot on his couch, and he didn't want to try his few remaining friends unless he had to. His last resort was calling his parents, but he knew if he told them about this they'd be stricken and be thinking the worst. Which was why he was going to the source and would find Izaya and teach him a lesson about messing with him.

His phone vibrated and Shizuo checked the message. It was an address in a more expensive area of Ikebukuro. It would only take 30 minutes to walk there and Shizuo decided to go at a light jog. He felt out of place opening the doors to the elevator of the apartment complex. His apartment building didn't even have an elevator.

Izaya lived high up on the eighth floor. Shizuo checked the numbers on his cellphone before ringing the bell. He waited and was about to ring the doorbell once more when through the door, several locks came undone and Izaya opened the door.

"Ah, Shizu-chan, what can I–"

All the pent up rage lashed out the moment he saw that irritating smirk. He was aiming a punch once there was enough space for his fist to go through. His punch met air and Shizuo barged further in, throwing punches. Izaya backed all the way to his couch.

"You fucking pest! what the fuck do you think you're trying to do, huh!?" He took another step forward and saw his dirty shoes on nice wooden floors. Habit had him chucking them off before rushing towards Izaya again.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Izaya flipped over the back of his sofa and Shizuo lifted the huge black furniture over his head.

"You got someone to break into my apartment! The fuck is wrong with you?"

"I didn't do that! Shizuo, stop. No, no, no, no, you put my couch down!"

And Shizuo did, aiming the sofa at Izaya who dodged it. The sofa broke in half against the floor and hit the wall. It missed the window by a foot.

"Shizuo," his tone changed as he turned serious. The danger sparked the air. "That could have gone through the window and what would you do if it fell on someone? Don't make me call the police." Izaya sighed as he used his toe to brush away a broken piece of wood. "How about you tell me everything that happened from the beginning?"

Shizuo was shaking in his anger. He hadn't meant to react like he had, but he couldn't help it. "You...you know what you did, you ass."

"I think I deserve an explanation after all of these groundless accusations and for messing up my furniture." Izaya said as he surveyed his damaged property. "But first, I'll make us some tea. I'd offer you a seat on my couch, but you'll have to make do with a cushion."

"What?" Shizuo was still standing stiff as Izaya walked to a sofa cushion that had fallen to the floor and tossed it over. He had to unclench his fists in order to catch it. The rage was still there, but now he could think clearly again. He almost felt bad about the broken sofa and the scratch marks in the floor and walls, but then he remembered the state of his own apartment and no longer felt bad. He sat down on the cushion in order to help him calm down. A minute later, Izaya came back with a tray that he set on a coffee table. The tea was served in tiny porcelain cups that looked like they'd break if he so much as glared at them.

"It's camomile, no caffeine," Izaya said and took his own seat across the coffee table.

Shizuo hadn't eaten or drank anything since leaving work. He held the tea cup as he would a child's wrist, and took a few timid sips. Izaya did the same before setting it down. "That's better. So will you tell me why you are here so late at night? I assume Shinra gave you my address."

"Yeah, he did. But you already know what's going on, right."

"I really have no idea."

It was difficult to read Izaya's face if he was lying or not, but Shizuo would rather trust his instincts. "Does getting someone to throw blood around my apartment ring any bells?"

"Actually, no, it doesn't. Eh, so someone broke into your apartment and dumped blood everywhere? That's really messed up. Was it human blood?"

"No. It was pig's blood."

"Huh? Like a ritual? Was there any writing or symbols? Were they trying to summon you or make an offering to you?"

"What the fuck's wrong with you? It was just blood thrown around and it ruined fucking everything. I was detained at the police station, and then I came here because this was obviously a setup by you."

Izaya took a sip of his cup of tea. "And what makes you think that I would do that?"

"Because you've been harassing me since you came."

"I didn't bother you at all today. I was trying to make up for yesterday."

"By changing my schedule so I'd have to deal with your annoying face? How about leaving me alone, huh?"

Izaya swirled his teacup and stared into it. "Sorry, but I don't believe that's possible." His eyes flicked up. "It's unavoidable that we'll see and work with each other. If we have a bad working relation it'll show in our work. We'll have to work out our differences so it's much better that we try to get along, right."

"Are you kidding me?! You're the one trying to get a rise out of me!"

"Yes, I already apologized for yesterday. I was merely curious."

Curious? _Curious?_ Who the fuck was he fooling? And that bastard sure as hell didn't apologize for shit.

Izaya continued with that insufferable grin. "No guarantees, but I'll try my best not to annoy you, okay."

" _Yeah_? And what about my apartment? You expect me to believe that you had nothing to do with it."

"Yes, because I didn't. I was with you the entire day. When did I leave work to go to your apartment? Did I ever make a single suspicious phone call or text?" Izaya rolled his eyes and held out his phone. "Do you need to check my call history, too? See, nothing." He scrolled down the list of calls he made, and there were only a few that day and most were names he could recognize. Izaya then went to his texts. "I only texted Shinra today. So unless you think that he did it with me, I didn't have anything to do with what happened to you. Do you believe me now?"

"No," Shizuo muttered. "That doesn't mean anything."

Izaya sighed and slipped his phone back into his pocket. "All right. How about this? I can track down the one who did it. I'm very good with my way around the Internet. Maybe I can find a lead."

Shizuo still didn't believe him. Probably Izaya would pull a random name out of his ass. Though if Izaya wouldn't admit it, then Shizuo had no proof besides the fact that he just knew it was him. "What's the point? I know it was you. And when I get proof, I won't just break your bones, but I'll reset them as many times as I feel you deserve."

That detestable grin grew. "Ah, how terrifying. I better clear my name then. Is there any more information you can give me about this? Like the time your apartment was broken into?"

Shizuo frowned. "Maybe around three."

"And do you know anyone who would want to do this to you, besides me of course."

"I don't know. I put a lot of people in the hospital through the years. I never knew who they were."

"Okay. Then do you remember if they would have been from a gang? Were they wearing any colors?"

"How should I know? They were mostly punks looking for a fight."

"That description could be anyone. So nothing stood out to you?"

Honestly, Shizuo wouldn't have been able to identify them if he walked past them on the street. They were all the same to his eyes and no one stuck out to him. Only the pest in front of him did. "No."

"Uh-huh. Well, I'll see what I can find. In the meantime, you're more than welcome to stay the night. You're apartment still needs to be cleaned, right?"

"More than cleaned. Apparently both the walls and floors were ruined."

"Then let me call some people who'll be able to fix it."

Shizuo grimaced. "I don't need your help."

"But you think I did it, and I want to prove to you that I didn't. It's really no trouble for me. Someone owes me a favor, so you don't need to worry about the cost."

That certainly sounded shady as fuck. But if the flea made this mess, it only made sense that he'd clean it up too. It actually took a big weight off his shoulders if he didn't have to deal with his landlord breathing down his neck. "Fine. But just because you clean up this mess won't mean I'll go easy on you when you finally admit that you did it."

"That's fair." Izaya finished his tea and set it on the table. "So would you like to stay over? It's a little late to book a hotel room or ask a friend."

" _Stay over_?" Shizuo scoffed. "Yeah right. I'm not staying. I'd rather sleep on a bench than spend the night near you."

"Shizuo, it may be spring, but the nights are still freezing. Don't be ridiculous. You were tired all morning today, how will you possibly function tomorrow?"

The annoying part was that he was right, and Shizuo detested him even more. "Ugh. I can't believe this, fine! But only tonight!"

"Great." Izaya grinned a little too wide. He pointed somewhere to the right. "You can use the guest bedroom. It's the third door on the left over there. If you're hungry I have left overs in the fridge or you can help yourself. There is a washing machine and dryer. Use anything you want."

At the mention of food, Shizuo realized that he had skipped dinner. He was taken aback with how generous Izaya was being. If Shizuo would guess, it was as if he were...excited? Well, not quite excited, but something close. It made him think that maybe he had jumped to conclusions. But this could still be him tricking him again.

"Thanks. I guess I could have a bite to eat. I forgot about dinner."

"Sure. While I warm something up for you, you can take a bath or shower. You smell like you've been chain smoking for hours. Come on, get up." Izaya was already standing and herding him to the direction of the bathroom. Shizuo placed the empty tea cup in the saucer. "Does salad and grilled fish sound alright to you?"

"Uh, yeah. I don't really care."

Izaya opened a sleek black door to a walkway that led to the shower. Everything looked clean and orderly. Actually, Izaya's entire apartment was spacious and new. It must have cost a small fortune to live in a place like this. Shizuo was just barely getting by with his own apartment. "Hold on a second," Izaya said, "I'll get you something to change into." Izaya came back a minute later with folded up clothes that he set down on the counter. "Okay that should be all. I'll be in the kitchen if you need anything."

"Uh...yeah, thanks."

Izaya closed the door, and Shizuo stood there for a few moments wondering what the fuck he just agreed to. He should just forget about all of this and leave because surely this would bite him in the ass. But the flea was right, it was too late to go asking someone to stay over and he didn't know which hotels had affordable rooms available. He sucked back the wrong feeling and he told himself that it was only for the night.

From the huge mirror on the wall, his reflection showed just how tired and stressed he looked. The counter was clean with just the bare necessities: a red toothbrush, soap, mouthwash, and toothpaste. Tucked in the corner was a scale. Shizuo took of his clothes and set them on the counter. The doors opened to a tub twice as big as his own and a shower. Since it wasn't everyday that he could enjoy a huge bath, he started one.

While waiting for the bath to fill up, he sat on a stool and turned on the shower head. His own shower would spray him with cold water before warming up, but this one was warm the moment he turned the handle. Against the wall was an assortment of containers of shampoo, conditioner, and body washes. Shizuo picked a random one for his hair. It was minty and the bottle read tea tree oil. Shizuo had never even seen that kind in the stores, but then again, he only ever bought his shampoo at the supermarket. He poured some body wash and lathered in between his hands. Again, he couldn't quite tell what the smell was, but it reminded him of what Izaya smelled like and he almost went without it, but he also wanted to be clean. As the liquid soap went against his skin, it had a cooling effect that tingled. He washed everything off and by then the bath was high enough that he could sit in it comfortably.

The hot water quieted the anxiety of the day and Shizuo's muscles relaxed as he calmed down. He put his legs up so the water could run down his legs. It was nice to be able to stretch out in a tub, especially one long enough for his legs. Leaning back, the water rushed over his torso and Shizuo breathed in the steam. Shit, this was nice. He was beginning to sweat and he washed his face. When the water reached his shoulders, Shizuo turned the faucet. He stayed like that for a good ten minutes before deciding he had enough and pulled the plug. Already, he felt much better. His complexion appeared more calm when he had stepped into the joined room where the clothes and a towel were waiting for him. He took in a deep, relieved breath; however, all that the bath managed to do for him was negated in a moment as he pulled on the borrowed white shirt that was obviously a few sizes too small for him. The material, though nice a soft, clung to him. He ignored the boxers completely and slipped on the black shorts that were shorter than he normally went for. They were practically only boxers.

"The hell is this?" Shizuo muttered.

In the mirror he looked ridiculous. The shirt didn't even fully cover his stomach. He looked like a kid who had gone through a sudden growth spurt. Did Izaya even fit into this shit? Shizuo doubted that Izaya could pull this off even if he was a skinny ass flea. He stepped out into the hall.

"Hey, Izaya! What is this, clothes for fleas? Don't you have anything bigger?" Izaya was in the living room, sitting down and pouring himself a cup of tea. He turned as Shizuo walked in and on his face his grin grew. Bastard.

"Sorry those are my biggest things."

"What the hell are you saying? I'm looking right at you and your clothes are much bigger than mine."

"Those are my biggest clean clothes. I haven't done laundry in a while."

Shizuo tsked. Of course. "What, did you own this when you were eight?"

"Seven actually."

"Fuck you!"

Izaya laughed and pulled out his phone from his hoodie. "It looks great. How about you strike a pose!" The sound went off as Izaya took a picture. He continued to take them even as Shizuo stomped over.

"Would you quit that! Give me that phone." Shizuo leaned down and the bastard was still taking photos and laughing in his face. Izaya was quick as Shizuo tried to snatch the phone.

He was so annoyed, he lunged and continued to fight for the phone even as Izaya lost his balance and they both fell, Shizuo just managing to catch himself. The phone dropped and with his eyes on the blasted smart phone, Shizuo reached over and got it a little ways over Izaya's head. "How the fuck does this work?" He tried to work the buttons to delete all the photos that Izaya took, but instead he couldn't figure it out and was taking a series of rapid photos. As he struggled, he finally looked at the pictures he was taking. The most recent one was Izaya sprawled on the floor, his eyes wider and more innocent than usual and his face flushed.

Shizuo looked past the displayed image, to see if what he was seeing was true and not just the lighting of the camera, but there was a warmth to his complexion and an openness as he was caught off guard. Belatedly, Shizuo knew the cause. He hadn't noticed how close he actually was or that he was straddling and completely over Izaya.

Warmth passed his face, and a hint of arousal stirred his interest. By accident, he dropped the phone and it fell on Izaya's face. He leaned back, but that only put them closer and made it harder to concentrate on not panicking over nothing. Both of their legs were long so he had to be careful as he stepped back.

Izaya rubbed his cheek where the phone had hit him, and with narrowed eyes, he looked more like himself and the moment of whatever the fuck that was passed. He must be exhausted if even the flea was turning him on.

Izaya sat up and checked his phone if there was any damage to it. He looked at the photos and grimaced. "That almost hit my eye."

"Well, you deserved that." And more.

"That's so mean." Izaya was still rubbing his face. "And after I made you dinner, too. Some thanks."

"Yeah, yeah, thanks."

"And are you going commando? I thought I felt something."

Shizuo stiffened. "...well, I'm not going to wear your boxers."

His eyes lowered as if he was trying to see something. Shizuo put a hand over his face and his anger was itching to come out. "Just...show me where the washing machine is, _please_." The last word came out forced.

"Yeah, all right. This way." Shizuo stood, followed him, and retrieved his folded up clothes before they went in the washing machine.

"These are really the biggest clothes you got?" Shizuo asked.

"I have something bigger if you don't mind a sweater."

"That's fine."

"Okay, then pick something you want." Izaya had one of those walk in closets that Shizuo had only ever seen on TV and never in real life. Hanging in neat rows were black coats, and Shizuo steered clear away from the fur lining the lot of them. Jeez, Shizuo knew there was something addled in his brain, but to see it for real in his closet? How was he a trained medical doctor again?

He didn't expect to find anything as he pushed aside the hangers. There were some wool sweaters, though they all looked too warm. He finally saw a simple vest and it fit him even if it was snug.

"The food is getting cold," Izaya said and Shizuo saw that he was texting someone. Probably Shinra.

"Yeah, I'm ready."

The food was set out on the kitchen table. "It's saba shioyaki."

It was still strange that Izaya was being so nice. He sat down at the kitchen table while Izaya cleaned the dishes. "Thanks for the food." Shizuo mumbled before taking his chopsticks and taking a bite. The texture was crisp and the taste was satisfying. There were three types of salad dressing and Shizuo chose the sesame. "It's good. You're not half bad at cooking."

"Hmm. Is Shizu-chan complimenting me?"

"Yeah, it doesn't taste like shit."

"Heh. That means it must be excellent, right. Better than what you're used to."

"I wouldn't go that far." Shizuo said while chewing. But it was good, just like the lunch that Izaya made for him.

"Would you like anything to drink?"

"Water, please." A few moments later a glass was set down next to him. Still Shizuo couldn't wrap his head around any of this. "Why are you being nice to me all of a sudden? It's weird."

"I told you I was a nice person."

Shizuo snorted.

"When I want to be." Izaya amended. "And I was serious about not trying to annoy you." All of it sounded suspicious, like Izaya was waiting for him to let down his guard before pulling the rug from under him. There was also the big 'why' question that Izaya was evading. "I want us to work well together. I think we could have some fun."

This reminded him of what Izaya said, about being bored. Maybe Izaya was just bored and soon he'd lose interest. Shizuo hoped that was the case. "Hmm."

Izaya dried his hands. "I'll be on the computer looking for anything. Put away the salad dressings when you're done and you can leave the dishes in the sink."

Shizuo was almost done and he nodded his head. He could relax once Izaya was out of the room and he enjoyed the rest of his fish and salad. He wasn't used to opening someone else's refrigerator, but if Izaya didn't mind than Shizuo didn't either and he saw that it looked like Izaya had recently gone grocery shopping. He put the three bottles inside and then decided to do the dishes. It was the least he could do and it allowed him some time before he had to see Izaya again. He wiped down the counter and the table, then dried his hands just as Izaya had done before before returning to the living room.

The sofa looked awful against the wall. "You want me to do something about that?" Shizuo asked. Izaya looked up from his computer screen.

"I don't think there's anything you can do to fix it. Just leave it."

"My bad."

Izaya grinned and resumed whatever he was doing. "It's okay, you were angry."

Shizuo didn't really know what to do with himself.

"The remote is on the counter if you want to watch TV."

He would have just gone to sleep, but he still had to wait for his clothes to be put in the dryer. He sat on a cushion and flipped through the channels, not stopping on anything for too long. He stopped randomly on one, not because he was interested, but because it was quieter than the others. While resting his head on his arm and leaning against the table, he was only half aware the program was about bees.

His eyes closed and soon he was drifting to sleep. A slight pressure nudging his shoulder woke him up. He groaned and buried his face in his arm. "Go away."

"You can't sleep here, silly." Izaya pushed him back and upright, and Shizuo reluctantly opened his eyes. It was quiet and the TV program had been turned off. He became more aware and stood up, cracking his joints in his bones as he did so. "Is the laundry ready?"

"Already did it."

"You should have woken me up to do it," Shizuo grumbled. He yawned without covering his mouth. "Where's the bedroom again?"

"You're brushing your teeth first. You are civilized enough to do that, right?" Izaya was already pushing him in the direction of the bathroom.

"I don't have a tooth brush."

"I have new ones."

"Oh."

There were multiple unopened toothbrushes in a drawer and one was handed to him. Shizuo ripped it from its box and applied too much toothpaste to the bristles. He ran it under the faucet and began to brush his teeth. Izaya did the same, and Shizuo was too tired to care that Izaya was invading his personal space by brushing his teeth next to him.

Izaya was still brushing his teeth when Shizuo was done and leaving to find the bedroom. He opened a door and saw a comfortable bed. Without a second though he climbed in. The pillows and blankets were unbelievably soft. He was half asleep when the door opened, and he didn't quite catch the words Izaya said.

"Hey, that's my bed."

He was already passed out.


	6. Malaise

The hallway in the hospital has a strange glow to it. It's dark but the fluorescent lights wash everything too hazy, too white. There are people milling around who are completely grey and faceless. He wonders if some kind of epidemic has spread. Did Shinra tamper with the fourth floor water fountain again?

It must be so because why else is he holding a giant syringe? The grey blobs part away from him, like formless jellyfish. Maybe he's the one who is hallucinating?

His sleeve catches on something. It's only then that he realizes someone messed with uniforms. He's wearing bubblegum pink scrubs and he knows the bastard who's responsible for this. He begins his search.

He passes an open doorway and stops because something pink catches his eye. It's Izaya and for some reason he's wearing pink as well. He has a pink stethoscope that he has against one of the grey blobs he's examining. He's smiling as he removes the stethoscope from his ears.

"– –san," Izaya says to the patient. "Oh my, this isn't good at all. Breathe in again, please. Ah, there it is again. It's already reached your lungs. There's not much I can do at this point. Not when it's already at the terminal stage. It's too bad–"

All at once, Shizuo knows what's going on. It's him. It's all this man's fault. Somehow since he came to the hospital he's been infecting everything and everyone. The whole place smells like shit and the source is right here.

"Izaya!" Shizuo yells.

When Izaya turns, his white coats flutters. "Ah, Shizu-chan. I see you brought the serum."

"I'm gonna kill you!"

"Did I do something wrong this time?"

"My uniform! You broke into my apartment! You dyed all of my clothes pink!"

"Pink? Are you sure?"

Shizuo looks down again. The pink is bleeding into a red color. When he looks up again Izaya is running. Shizuo sprints after him and lifts his giant syringe. Oh, he's going to get him. Shizuo's going to give him a shot he'll never forget. His face splits in anticipation.

He's knocking people over as he runs. Izaya turns at the corner and by the time Shizuo reaches the same corner, he's stepping into an empty room with a single curtain that covers a bed. Everything glows eerily. He doesn't hesitate as he hears something, an alarm, going off. The curtain makes a _vrrrr_ sound as he throws them back.

The bed's empty and he doesn't know why he's both pissed and relieved.

"Looking for me?"

Shizuo jumps. He hadn't heard anyone come up behind him. When he turns and brings up the syringe, it gets caught in the curtain and he drops it. He doesn't understand why his clothes are shrinking or why he's in short shorts all of a sudden. But what's worse is the nurse uniform Izaya is wearing. It's tight like a surgical glove and just as see through and something that should be straight out of a nightmare, but—what the fuck is this? What the fuck? What the fuck? _Whatthefuck_!?

Alarms are going off in his head.

 _Vrrrvrrrvrrrvrrrvrrvrrrvrrrrvrrrrvrrrr_

An alarm was vibrating in his bed.

Shizuo groaned. "What the fuck?" He blinked unseeingly in the dark. He was pretty sure he had been dreaming up something awful, but already it was beginning to fade. Good.

It was darker than he was used to. Every morning, sunlight streamed through his paper thin curtains. Still heavy with sleep, Shizuo grouped around in the dark trying to find his phone. His hand hit against something that was warm and most definitely not his phone.

"Ow! Do you always hit the person you wake up next to?"

Yesterday's events came to him like a bad hangover, in bits and pieces without the faintest idea how he had ended up like this. The blanket moved and finally the alarm was turned off. "What the hell, Izaya?"

"Good morning to you as well, Shizu-chan."

All the sleep left him instantly. While he couldn't remember much, there certainly hadn't been any fleas when he dove under the covers.

"Ugh. What's going on? What are you doing in my bed?"

Izaya stretched. "Actually," he drawled out each syllable, "the funny thing is, this is _my_ bed. Last night you accidentally went to my room. I tried to wake you up, really I did, but you were completely out of it and tried to sleep punch and kick me away, so I gave up. Anyway, you can sleep longer if you'd like. I'm going to make breakfast. Do you want anything specific?"

"Uh," Shizuo didn't even know he slept punched and thought for sure it was bullshit. "You don't have to make me anything."

"Oh, I insist. Does pancakes sound good?"

Pancakes sounded amazing. "Yeah, sure." He said, grudgingly.

Izaya got up, pulled some clothes from a walk-in closet, and left. When the door closed, Shizuo threw a hand over his eyes and groaned. He was probably playing right into Izaya's hands like a complete dumbass. Well, he couldn't be too hard on himself. It was pancakes after all.

He stayed in bed for a bit longer, appreciating the comfort now that he was alone. Izaya may be a pest, but his bed was out of this world good. Shit, he hadn't felt this well rested in a long time. Maybe he needed to invest in a better mattress. His was the same piece of shit lump of a futon that he had since his time in medical school and at this point it wasn't doing his back any favors.

It was the smell of pancakes that finally got him up. His clothes were dried and when he changed into them, they were wrinkle free. Though the detergent wasn't what he was used to, it was fresh and didn't have any of that gross chemical smell. He left the used clothes with a pile of Izaya's own laundry.

He went to the bathroom to check his reflection and wash his face. The fatigue darkening under his eyes had left. He ran a hand through his hair to keep it down. The smell of cooking food wafted over, and Shizuo followed it to the kitchen.

A pancake was flipping through the air just as Shizuo walked in. It landed in the frying pan in one circular piece. Steam was coming from the rice cooker and on the front of the machine the numbers read 6:23. Still too damn early.

Izaya flipped the pancake once more. He wore a striped beige apron while he cooked and cat face slippers. "I called your landlord last night," Izaya said as he put the pancake on a plate with a stack of other golden brown pancakes. "To let him know that there will be a cleaning crew coming in. The blood has been wiped off, but there still needs a lot of repair work. They gave me an estimate of up to five days for everything to be completely fixed."

"Five days?" Why the hell would it take that long? Now he had to find a place to crash for five freaking days? Shit. He hated bothering people and Shizuo was sure no one would be thrilled to be walking on eggshells around him for five days. He might just have to call his parents.

"If you need a bed, I do have an extra one or you can crash in mine again." Izaya may be facing away, but there was no mistake that there was a shitty grin on his face.

"Not happening."

"Heh." He flipped a new pancake over on the frying pan.

Grumbling, Shizuo opened the refrigerator to see if there was any milk. He spotted the carton on the side of the door. The table was already set with empty glasses, and he picked one up and poured himself some milk. From over the glass, Shizuo was wary of the amused expression sent his way. "Whatever you say."

Fuck. 6:25 in the morning was too early for this shit. He downed the rest of the milk. Like hell he was going to stay here longer than he had to. He was about to leave for the other room when Izaya said, "There, done."

An array of jams, all unopened, a leaf shaped container of maple syrup, butter, and some cut up strawberries and bananas all sat prettily on the table. Shizuo hoped that this wasn't all prepared just for him, because there was only so much that he could take in one morning.

"The jam was a gift set, a housewarming present." Izaya explained as if he had read his thoughts. He set the stack of pancakes in between them and sat across the table. "I figured now would be a good time as any to use them."

"Sure." Shizuo, however, didn't believe him at all. "Thanks for the food," he said under his breath. The pancakes were near perfection and while he enjoyed pancakes, he never had the time or motivation to make them. Izaya served him one and Shizuo spread butter, a random red jam, and syrup over his pancake.

He took a bite and fucking hell was it fluffy and sweet goodness. He chewed quickly because it was just what he needed. Every morning he should be eating this. The last time he had eaten pancakes was years ago when he was still living at home and going to school.

He tried a new jar of jam, this one orange, and scooped a good amount onto his quickly disappearing pancake. He didn't think it could get any better.

"This is chocolate and caramel." Izaya pointed to two plastic containers. Shizuo had forgotten he was even there, but didn't mind it so much now that he was eating. For his second pancake, he added a good mound of chocolate and caramel. Shizuo didn't think he'd had a breakfast this good in forever.

It reminded him of that one time he had made pancakes for Kasuka for his birthday, except all of the pancakes had turned out a little misshapen and had little air bubbles in them and were slightly too overcooked. They still ate them, and his brother had said he liked them, and that had made him incredibly happy back then. Maybe he should do that again for him. He smiled without realizing it.

"How is it?" Izaya asked.

But then he remembered his company. "It's all right."

"Only all right? I tried to find the best recipe with the healthiest ingredients." On Izaya's plate, the pancake had banana and strawberry pieces and the barest of any other toppings. He ate delicately with his fork and knife.

"Do you usually make pancakes?"

"No, but I enjoy making them. What about you?" Izaya finished his first pancake.

"Nah, too busy." Shizuo said between a mouthful. "It's too messy, anyway."

Izaya took one more pancake and the one underneath it had some kind of design on it, like a smiley face. He had to angle his head to read the words: let's have a good time today.

His fork bent at an angle. He decided to skip that pancake and go for the one underneath it. He half expected there to be another crude drawing on the second pancake, maybe something annoying with an angry face and that dumb-as-shit nickname written on top, but there was no design. He brought the plain pancake to his plate.

"What's wrong with this one?" Izaya said as he pointed to the smiling pancake. "Is the grin too lopsided? It's not so easy to make as it looks you know. But there's added chocolate chips just for you."

Now that he mentioned it, there were indeed chocolate pieces dotted around the grinning smiley face. It looked hideous. "No thanks. I like my pancakes without them smiling at me."

Izaya chuckled as he took the smiley faced pancake to his own plate. "I'll keep that in mind then." He said as if this would happen again. Which it wouldn't. Maybe he purposely stabbed the eye down before cutting into the pancake flesh with his knife. Before he didn't like pancakes with smiley faces, by the time Izaya had eaten the poor pancake, he absolutely detested pancakes with faces. Or maybe it was just pesky pests that he hated, but it was a shame thinking about things that annoyed him when he had a plate of perfectly good pancakes in front of him.

He went simple with this next one. He opted for butter and a good dousing of syrup so that the pancake could soak in it. It was perfect. Just what he needed to forget about the fact he was eating with an eyesore. He collected all the remaining syrup on the last piece and ate it slowly. Finishing up with another glass of milk, Shizuo said his thanks and brought the dishes to the sink to wash as quickly as he could. He retreated to the living room to collect his cellphone, wallet, and keys.

Izaya was washing the dishes when he came back. "I'm going to head out early."

"So soon? Work doesn't start for another hour and a half."

It was creepy that he knew his schedule, but then again he was the one who had change it. "Yeah. Thanks for letting me stay the night."

"All right. I'll need the keys to your place to pass over."

"Oh, right." He took it from his pocket and brought it over to Izaya's waiting hand.

"I'll see you in a bit, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo glowered. "Don't call me that." He left not wanting to breathe the same air a second longer. It was close to seven in the morning and many of the stores weren't open. There was a Lawson convenience store around the corner and he was lucky that they had some single item clothes in stock. He picked up socks, a white undershirt, a pair of dark green boxers, a carton of cigarettes, and a phone charger. He'd have to pull out more cash soon, though there wasn't much to go around.

Back outside he wondered what exactly he should do now. He knew where there was a park and headed for that direction. The only other person was an elderly woman walking her tiny grey dog there. He said good morning in passing before spotting a designated smoking area and while leaning against the glass wall, he smoked.

He'd have to call his parents, see if his or Kasuka's old room was still available. There should be a spare futon. Already he was coming up with a lie he'd tell his mom. He'd call her first. Tell her there was something wrong with the pipes and it leaked through his apartment. She wouldn't worry needlessly then.

His phone was at 25 percent battery life. It was still too early to call so he sent her a simple text. Her response came right away with his phone ringing. He frowned as he answered. It didn't go as he hoped.

It was unavoidable that she would be worried so he only gave vague answers, but his mom was good at knowing when something was up. He assured her that everything was alright and when he asked about his old room she told him that his grandmother was due to stay for a few months. She still wanted him to come, but Shizuo declined thinking that his mom would have her hands too full. He promised that he'd visit.

Shizuo went through his contact list, admittedly there weren't a whole lot of people there. Shinra and Celty's place was a no go since Shinra's dad was visiting and he was less trustworthy than Shinra was, which was saying something.

He passed over Kadota Kyouhei's contact since he already had a full apartment with two roommates and one of them rambled way too much on things he had no idea about.

He stopped on the contact of his senpai from middle school. He hadn't contacted Tom for awhile and it was kind of a shitty thing to spring up on a friend, but he did remember that Tom had said to call if he ever needed help. He sent a text then put away his phone to smoke another cigarette. He'd probably need a few more for the headache this day was already becoming.

Finishing the cigarette, he went to an unoccupied bench in the sun. The few cherry trees had lost most of the blossoms, but the ground had a nice pink to it. He closed his eyes and tried to relax in the warmth of the sun. It was almost peaceful.

But the peace didn't last very long, not when he forced himself to leave the comfort of the bench and go to work where he would spend the entirety of the day in the pest's presence.

Shizuo knew it was going to be a bad day, but it wasn't until the third victim was admitted to their care that he began to identify that something was off. It was almost like a foul stink grew in the halls of his hospital with each new laceration he saw. It wasn't the usual sterile or metallic smell he was used to for these kinds of patients. He also couldn't shake the feeling that Izaya was somehow connected to it all.


	7. The intractable parasite

Chapter 7 The intractable parasite

* * *

It wasn't until after his lunch break that Shizuo had a chance to check his phone and he did so while on his way outside for a cigarette break. There was one unread message from Tom-san.

sent 11:40 [ _Hey, Shizuo. I'm doing well, thanks for asking. That sounds awful about what happened. Of course you can stay over as long as you need. I have an extra room, but it's filled with a lot of my things. I'll just need to clear it, but I'm coming home late around nine. If you want to come earlier, I can ask Fuwa-san, the landlord, to open the door. You know where I live, right? Same as last time. Let me know if this works out for you_.]

It was a relief that something worked out after this hectic day. He stopped to the side and wrote a reply.

[ _This is more than enough. It's not necessary to clear up your space. And I can meet you after 9. This really helps me a lot, thank you. I'll see you later tonight then.]_

He was putting away his phone when he heard a familiar voice.

"Yo, Shizuo." Kadota called as he came down the hall. Following him were Karisawa, Yumasaki, and Togusa. Together like this, Shizuo wondered how they all managed to fit in one ambulance and get away with it. He'd heard the stories of some of their more wild antics. It must have been because Kadota could hold his ground so well. They stopped near the vending machine that he was next to.

"Hey." He nodded.

"It's pretty rough out there," Kadota said.

His cluster of friends gave Shizuo his space, and Shizuo had always suspected that Kadota had said something about not crowding him and for that he appreciated it. "Though you probably noticed by now."

"Yeah." Six patients admitted with the same condition in one day was sure to raise eyebrows.

Karisawa put in some coins and picked a drink. The orange Fanta bottle clattered as it fell.

"It's just like that show I was watching. The one with the samurai. The victims are defeated, but no one ever dies." Yumasaki said. "Maybe it's a copycat."

"Yeah," Karisawa said. "They say it's from a katana."

"You guys have been going on about this the entire ride here." Kadota shook his head though his tone wasn't mad or anything.

"Yeah, but Shizuo may not have heard, right?" Karisawa asked.

"He's been here all morning, he's heard." Kadota said and was trying to get her attention. She wasn't looking at him though.

"Well, I'm going back to the ambulance because someone," Togusa pointedly stared at Karisawa, "stuffed one of the draws with manga. Yeah, I was watching from the rear mirror and that's where we put the non-rebreather masks and I don't care how essential to life manga is to you, but it's not more important than breathing."

"Ahh, but it's much better where it is now than before. I promise they won't fall out again like last time. And you never say anything about Yumacchi's goods—"

"Hey!" Yumasaki covered Karisawa's mouth.

"Find somewhere else," Togusa was about to leave when Karisawa made a strange, high pitched noise.

"Is that him! The new guy?" Karisawa grabbed Yumasaki's arm and shook it. She looked down the hall and Shizuo immediately zoned in on Izaya who was coming there way. "Hey, hey, do you know him? Shizuo, do you know him?"

"Unfortunately." Shizuo said and frowned. Shit, he probably didn't have enough time to smoke now if Izaya was looking for him so soon. Fuck, what a clingy pest. He'd been roped in to another lunch made by the flea, but he slipped away as quickly as possible.

"Please introduce us!"

Shizuo hoped she wasn't fooled like most of the female staff who had been acting strange whenever he passed. Yeah, Shizuo had been noticing that recently and it was beginning to annoy him. They had no idea how despicable he was behind that grin.

"Trust me, you don't want to know him."

This seemed to have the opposite effect and she grinned all the wider, eyes dilating in the light as if she had symptoms of a head injury.

"Hey, Shizu-chan, are these your friends?" Izaya asked as he sauntered over. Shizuo cringed at the nickname, and Karisawa grabbed Yumasaki's arm harder and repeated that dumb nickname.

"Don't call me that." He grumbled, but Izaya ignored him and stood next to him a little too close and Shizuo inched away. Goddamn flea.

Kadota had a brow raised. He was one of the few people who knew him back in school and knew just what he could do when provoked. Shizuo wouldn't have been able to offer an explanation to him anyway. "Yeah," he continued. "I know them."

"Hmm?" Izaya said and looked them over with renewed interest. "I'm Orihara Izaya, recently transferred here. It's a pleasure."

Thankfully, there wasn't enough time to chat beyond the initial introductions when the hand-held radio that Kadota wore went off, meaning they had another call to respond to.

"Sorry, we have to go." Kadota was pushing back the others who were complaining about having to go back out again so soon.

"Yeah, same. See you around." Shizuo said.

"Nice meeting you," Izaya waved. When they were far enough away, he said, "they seem nice. Not really what I'd imagine your friends to look like."

"They're more like acquaintances. I've known Kadota for a long time though." There wasn't anything he could do about his missed cigarette break. He couldn't complain either for Izaya trailing after him, since they were going in the same direction. "Oh, and I found a place to stay the night."

"You staying with one of them?" A few heads turned as Izaya walked past.

"No, someone else."

"Heh. Shizu-chan sure is popular."

Shizuo refrained from elbowing him hard in the ribs. "Don't call me that, please. And I'm not popular."

"So you say," he said with a cryptic smile.

Something brushed his leg—the end of Izaya's long coat as they walked. Since the majority of his schooling years, almost everyone had avoided getting within his reach. They'd go out of their way to sit as far away from him or leave him alone, which was fine because that's how he preferred it. It was incredibly rare to have gotten an arm thrown over his shoulder, or elbows or knees knocked into him in gestures of friendship like so many of his classmates.

Strange too that Izaya knew first hand how dangerous he could get, and yet here he was sticking to him like a flea.

"Hey, about the recent patients we've been getting," Izaya began and he matched Shizuo's long strides that were an attempt to put distance between them. "I think there could be a connection."

"What connection?"

"To your apartment. And to whoever is the culprit."

"You're kidding. You think one of them did it?"

"No, not one of them, but who ever or _what_ ever did this to them. Don't you think it's strange that so many people are getting stabbed and then there is your apartment which was broken into and blood was thrown everywhere? Someone dangerous is out there. Maybe it was a warning to you and someone is targeting you."

Shizuo stopped and Izaya walked into him, probably on purpose. Shizuo took a deep breath and pointedly stared at the menace next to him. "Yeah, tell me something I don't know."

Izaya smiled up at him. "I'm still looking into it, but I'll find the source in a few days." It didn't look like Izaya would own up to what he did, and Shizuo headed to where he was supposed to go with the flea-devil by his side. The rest of work didn't get any better, but he was busy the entire time and it passed quickly.

He had a few hours before he had to meet Tom-san, so he went to a department store to buy some clothes and supplies and afterwards went to Lotteria for dinner. He still had three hours to spare which he spent he spent at a park. He headed over to Tom's when it was half past eight and waited at his doorstep. It was while he was sitting there that he completely forgot to get a gift for him. By now most of the shops and bakeries were closed. Mr. Donut was about to close but the young worker at the front allowed him in and he got twelve of the remaining donuts. His phone vibrated and he saw he had one new message. [ _Be there in five]_

He responded to Tom. [ _same_ ]

He was lucky then that when he returned, Tom-san was opening the door to his apartment.

"Tom-San," he said in greeting as he got closer.

"Ah, Shizuo, sorry it's so late."

"No, it's fine."

Tom opened the door and turned on the lights, and Shizuo gave him the box of donuts. "Sorry for intruding."

He took the donuts and was a little surprised. "How'd you know I didn't eat yet? Thanks. Would you like anything to eat or drink? I just bought some milk."

"Yeah, milk sounds good."

Shizuo felt better now. He set his things in the hall and followed Tom to his kitchen. Tom looked sharp in his suit. He took off the coat and under that was his red striped shirt that he undid some of the buttons to at the cuffs. He got some water boiling and set up some plates and a glass of milk for Shizuo. Tom offered him to choose the first donut and Shizuo was reminded just how much he neglected hanging out with his sempai. "So how have you been, Shizuo, besides the recent accident at your apartment?"

"It's okay," he said, "how was your day?"

"The usual. There was a little problem when one of the people I was looking for ran. It's the third time he's given me the slip."

Shizuo had heard a little about Tom-san's debt collecting agency. He had been a little worried for him when he had first started out, but Tom-san was tougher than he looked. Back in middle school, his sempai had treated him well and on one occasion stood up for him. And because he didn't fear Shizuo's company, he sure as hell wasn't scared of a lot of people.

"You know, if someone's giving you a tough time, I don't mind helping you after work."

Tom smiled fondly. "I wouldn't want to make you do something you hated, but I appreciate it. I've been looking into hiring a bodyguard. So far the applicants aren't exactly what I'm looking for."

"I see," Shizuo said. "I hope you find someone soon then."

"Yeah."

Shizuo enjoyed his chocolate covered donut with milk. The texture was glazed and the inside was nice and gooey. There was nothing better than pastries after a long day of work, especially when with good company.

"So what happened to your apartment, anyway? You said someone broke in?"

"Yeah, they trashed it and it's getting repaired now. It will take five days, but I'll find somewhere else to stay since I only said for tonight."

"Nonsense, you're more than welcome to stay as long as you need."

"Thanks." A small grin worked it's way to his lips and he covered it with a sip of his milk.

"So anything new going on at your workplace? Any new lady co-workers catch your eye?"

"Actually there is this guy," Shizuo said slowly and realized what he said right after he said it. His face grew hot. "Who I hate," he amended quickly, and he looked up at Tom-san to see if he noticed the slip up. If he did, he didn't appear to care, but Shizuo didn't want to send the wrong message so the words tumbled out of him, and he was extra careful not to touch anything so that he didn't accidentally break Tom's things.

"He's nothing but a pest. I don't know what his problem is but he's been annoying me and likes to get under my skin. I think he's the one who ruined my apartment. No, I know it's him. Everything about him is messed up, but no one but me sees it. He even got my schedule changed so that he spends the entire day with me. It's so confusing because he also makes me food and he acts all nice but it's completely fake. I don't know how much more I can keep going like this. I want to punch him so bad but I know I shouldn't."

"That sounds tough." Tom frowned in thought. "Can you report him to your supervisor?"

Shizuo's face hadn't completely cooled down, and he really didn't want to get into the details of the more embarrassing things Izaya had done to rile him up. "He's already convinced everyone he's the greatest thing that's ever happened to the hospital. No one would believe me."

"Have you tried talking to him?"

"Yeah. I went to his place and tried to kill him. It didn't solve anything. I also tried to kill him at Baskin-Robbins, but there were kids watching so I couldn't go through with it. Sneaky bastard tricked me."

"No, I mean talking? Asking what he wants."

Shizuo scrowled. "I think I've asked him that, but he never gives a straight answer. He's probably just bored."

Tom munched on his donut. Shizuo took a hasty bite of his and the flavor wasn't as good, more like chocolatey plastic in his mouth. He swallowed it down with milk.

"He makes you food?"

Shizuo frowned. Had he said that? "He made me some meals and bought ice cream for me. But it doesn't make sense 'cause I'm sure he hates me."

"You're right, something doesn't add up. Are you really sure he hates you? From an outside perspective, it sounds more like the opposite actually."

It was a good thing he wasn't holding the cup because Shizuo would have shattered it completely. Instead, his donut was squished and the filling spilled between his fingers. "Sorry," he muttered. Tom handed him a few napkins and Shizuo wiped away the mess. It gave him a few seconds to think about what Tom said, but he really didn't want to go there. "Ah, I don't think so. Let's talk about something else. It pisses me off to think about him."

"Of course." Tom said without missing a beat. "You know there's this popular bakery that I've passed a couple of times, it's down by the theater. I've been meaning to text you the address, but I haven't gone myself so I wasn't sure if it was good or not."

Shizuo was calmer. He was surprised that Tom had been thinking about him, he was grateful but he also felt awful for always causing trouble. "No, I don't think I've gone there. Send me the address, please."

He didn't get angry again while finishing eating, and he tried to stop thinking of the pest. It almost worked until he was alone in the spare room and trying to sleep.

Shit, the only thing worse than that rotten pest hating him would be him liking him, and that was something unfathomable. It wasn't until after much violent tossing and turning that Shizuo eventually fell asleep.


End file.
